Wednesdays are for Wampires
This time I deliberately put a W instead of a V. Here's my thoughts and a poem on a slip-up I made some time ago.
I began drafting this piece as an essay for my paid subscribers months ago. After beginning it, leaving it for a while, then returning to it, it became apparent that there was an opportunity to do something greater here. I believe in acknowledging when we’re at fault or haven’t quite done something right, but having it be a gift and an opportunity to learn something greater from it, rather than a gateway into victim mentality. So, with that in mind, here’s how one small spelling mistake really got to my head — and what I’m doing about it.
It’s relevant to context this piece by stating that everything you see online from me is pretty much a one-man show - all the poems, all the graphics, socials, web design, shop, everything - it’s all just me. As much as I would like to be able to hire people that I can trust in handing off various aspects of publicising my work to in order for me to focus on the creation, I’m simply not in a position financially to be able to hire anyone to do any part of what I do. This extends to editing and proofreading - where I can, I’ll get a friend to proofread something before its due to go out, but this is not always possible. As hard as I try, I do miss things, from a rogue spelling mistake in very early copies of Born Anew and Other Poems (hats off to you if you found it!) to this absolute monstrosity that I put out on social media to help advertise “Haikus of a Forager” which, funnily enough, was first pointed out to me by my own mother.
How I messed this one up — and failed to notice it at all — is completely beyond me. W isn’t even near V on the keyboard.
Nobody else had pointed out to me. I quietly went in, deleted all references to the “wampires” from all my socials, then corrected the piece and put out new versions without the offending article. It could have stayed that way, and I could have pretended it didn’t exist. I could have pretended that nearly 250 email subscribers and a scattering of others across various social platforms wouldn’t have seen it. Maybe some of them didn’t. But I saw it. And I wasn’t willing to let myself go that easily for this one.
I can be that person who is able to let it slide easily and says “to make mistakes is only human, all of us do it” yadda yadda. And yes, in the grand scheme of things, an error of that sort is absolutely trivial and ultimately not of any big social consequence. But that version of me did not come online when I discovered this particular error. I was triggered. I was frustrated at myself, and I had an obligatory moment of kicking myself for missing something that should have been painfully obvious. I wanted to be frustrated and to bash on myself. For I had read this piece back 2-3 times to make sure it was “perfect”. And it just wasn’t. What an idiot I must be.
And in that moment, I saw that two pathways lay before me. One was the path of victimhood and not-good-enoughs. I know that path well - it is a dim and lonely path, devoid of nurturing scenery and vistas. It is a place where the ‘wampires’ really are vampires, sucking enthusiasm and life from my boiling blood. They love it when I’m seething - it makes their job easy.
And what becomes of me as a result? I encourage more of those situations to come my way, and become increasingly more and more frustrated and bitter at my inability to ‘do good’. And not only that - I begin projecting resentment towards others who also make mistakes, for it triggers that same element of discomfort within me that I have not resolved.
But what about the other path? It is far less well-marked, but there are flickers of light that dance between thick foliage - just enough so that some direction of travel can be made out. It is far harder work than the other path, but something called out that it was an ultimately far more rewarding path. That is the path of honouring the mistake that I made, and building something far more resilient on top of it. Which is why this piece is coming to you today.
I’ll leave you with this short poem I wrote about this happening. Let me know in the comments: what sorts of mistakes have you made in the past, and how have you been able to successfully build from them?
With gratitude,
Tom
Grace for the lapse in my focus is a difficult thing to find. For as much as I want to build, part of me wants gears to grind. But grace for innocent misdeeds is something I should always show. Yes, this muck-up isn't helpful but at least I know where to grow.
Grace For My Mistakes - A Poem by Tom Shaw
You write really well! I've made my fair share of mistakes too, and looking back, they were all part of my learning curve. What would you say your biggest mistake was, and how did you grow from it?
Beautiful piece 🤌🏻